


Don't You Want Me Baby?

by TheBrilliantDarkness



Category: Dark Avengers (Comic), Marvel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 14:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrilliantDarkness/pseuds/TheBrilliantDarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daken and Bullseye overdo a drinking session.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't You Want Me Baby?

It’s 2:40am when Karla gets in, and she is ready to sleep. The mission she’d be sent on had dragged on hours longer than it should have due to her targets acquiring teleportation and cloaking technology. She’d caught up with them and, ahem, ‘dealt’ with them eventually, but now it is late and she is taking full advantage of not having to wake up before noon tomorrow.

But she’s thirsty, too, so she decides to take a quick detour to the kitchen. She’s not even halfway there when the faint sounds of music and awful singing become perceptible – Christ, are they listening to Human League? If she has to contend with shitty 80’s music and a party in the kitchen, so help her, people are gonna get blasted.

The sounds get clearer as she gets closer; she can discern two voices. One is actually fairly in tune, just far too loud and overenthusiastic; the other is all over the place, and frankly painful. She winces, then braces herself and throws the kitchen door open.

It’s… Daken and Lester?

Daken and Lester are in the kitchen at 2:40am, blind drunk, singing ‘Don’t You Want Me Baby’ to one another.

Daken’s sat on the counter, legs spread and dangling, nursing a half-empty bottle of Jagermeister; Lester has his hands on the counter on either side of Daken’s hip, leaning into him, just so they are not quite touching. Karla can’t see Lester’s face, but if Daken’s dumb grin in between half-sung, half-shouted lyrics is anything to go by…

Just how is Daken drunk, anyway?

Karla fumbles for her phone, desperate to get a picture of the oblivious pair before they spot her, but dammit, she lost it on the mission, and it’s too late anyway, because Daken’s seen her:

“Karrrlaaaa!”

Christ. He’s either an even more exceptional actor than Karla took him for, or he is totally smashed.

Lester whips around, staggers back and barely manages to stay on his feet.

“Where have you been?” he slurs – and yes, he is grinning like an idiot too.

“Out on a mission. My, haven’t you two had a night of it?” she says with an eyebrow raised, scanning the numerous discarded cans speckling every surface, not to mention the empty bottles.

“Princess was sad ‘cause he’s lost his healing thingy for a while,” Lester tells Karla very seriously. “So it was like, we have to get drunk, man! We have to get drunk.” He nods solemnly.

In the background, Daken slides off the counter in slow motion, eyes on the ceiling as he murmurs “Karrrlaaaa…”. He does not stop until he is flat on his back on the floor, bottle of Jager held upright on his chest.

“Is he okay? I think he may have overdone it,” Karla asks, though she is more amused than concerned.

Bullseye blinks a couple of times, and turns to look at his drinking partner. It takes him a couple of seconds to realise where he’s gone, then he locates him on the floor and starts giggling uncontrollably.

“What are you doing on the floor, stupid?” he asks, stumbling over.

“It’s different down here,” Daken replies, wide-eyed. “You have to try this…”

“Really, man? Yeah, cool, if you say so…”

And Lester flops down next to him.

Karla is barely holding back laughter as she goes to the cupboards for a glass. From the floor, Lester speaks up again.

“Man, this sucks! You lied to me, man,”

“I didn’t!” is Daken’s indignant reply. “You’re not doing it right…”

There is silence for a few moments as Karla pours herself a glass, hoping the guys haven’t spiked the filtered water she’s using.

“We should get up now, man, we haven’t finished drinking,” says Lester, and there is a brief scramble before the two are on their feet again. Daken is swaying where he stands, and Karla wonders if he’s ever actually been drunk before.

“Think I need some water,” Daken mumbles, running the back of a hand woozily over his eyes.

Karla rolls her eyes again, fishes another glass out and pours some water for him.

“Got some here for you, Daken,” she smiles. She won’t take it over to him; he will pay for the glass of water by way of his amusing little half steps and staggers as he journeys to her side of the kitchen. He does not disappoint.

“Karrrlaaaaa,” he slurs happily as he reaches her, taking his water in a trembling hand.

“You’re ruinin’ the fun, Karla,” Lester pouts. Karla grins and steps closer to him to squint at his eyes. His pupils are blown and she can smell the booze on his breath.

“I can’t believe how drunk you both are. This level of drunk takes commitment. Thought killing people was more how you got your rocks off,” she says.

“Fancied a bit of a drink tonight, ‘s not a crime. ‘specially as Princess was feelin’ so down.”

There is a cry of distress from behind them. Daken has spilt his water all down the front of his chest, soaking his shirt.

Lester immediately recedes into ugly hysterical laughter as Karla looks on incredulously.

“How?”

Daken looks at them, wide-eyed and pouting.

“You stopped paying attention to me…”

Karla sighs.

“Right. Well, I’m going to bed now. Enjoy the alcohol poisoning, boys,”

Neither of them reply. Lester has staggered over to Daken and is tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“You’ll catch a cold if you keep this on,” he says matter-of-factly as he tugs the garment up over a very placid Daken’s head.

Daken looks confused for a few moments. “But now I’m cold now.”

“Yeah, but you’ve not got a cold. Very different,” Lester nods sagely.

Karla said she was going to go, but wow, this is like watching a car crash, and she needs to see it through to some sort of conclusion. Plus, Daken’s got great abs.

“You’ve got great abs, man,” Lester slurs, poking Daken’s firm stomach.

Karla really wishes she had something, anything to record this. If she’s lucky, she might be able to get the security tape of it. This is gold.

“Thanks, Lester,” Daken yawns. “’m sleepy. Can we go to bed?”

“Aww, what? Already? We’ve still got half a bottle of Jager left, man!”

“Can take it with us?” Daken suggests, blinking back the tiredness.

“Wait,” Lester pauses, and you can almost see the cogs turning in his head. “Can take it with us?”

“Yeah. Don’t you…” Daken goes wide-eyed. “Don’t you want to sleep with me?”

This more than makes up for Karla’s botched mission. She is stifling the giggles as best she can with a hand, but that only goes so far.

“That’s…” Lester is squinting, he’s thinking _so hard_. “That’s… gay…”

“But Lesterrr,” Daken slurs desperately. “I’m reallyyyyy good in bed. I promise!”

Karla snorts. She really hopes she isn’t having one of _those_ dreams and that this is really happening, because this is one of the most hilarious things she has ever seen.

Daken is looking at Lester pleadingly, whilst Lester looks like he is having an internal meltdown.

“I mean, reallyyyyy good,” Daken whines. “I give, like, the best blow job in the world. I know you love blow jobs, come onnnnn…”

“I do love blowjobs,” Lester admits. “But you’re a dude.”

“But I’m prettyyyyy,” Daken preens. “I’m a pretty… a pretty dude. Karla, am I a pretty dude?”

“Yes, Daken,” Karla’s not even sure how she’s managing to talk, what with the silent laughter racking her body. “You’re a very pretty dude.”

“See!” he puffs himself up triumphantly.

“I guess you’re right,” Lester sighs, as though he’s been caught out. “You are a pretty dude.”

“So you’ll sleep with me?”

“Yeah, man,” Lester tentatively puts a hand on Daken’s hip and giggles. “You’re a dude and you’re gonna give me a blow job. That’s so gay.” And both of them start tittering away.

‘I should probably intervene,’ Karla thinks. ‘They’re both way too smashed to consent to anything.’ She considers that for a few moments. ‘Nah,’ she concludes. ‘They deserve each other. Doubt either one’ll be able to get it up after the amount they’ve knocked back. Daken looks dead on his feet as it is.’

“Night, guys,” she calls merrily to the… happy couple. “See you in the morning.”

The two make a series of slurred noises that she supposes are supposed to be words (she thinks she catches a “Karrrrlaaaaa” from Daken, at least), and head off in the direction of Lester’s room, desperately clinging to one another and giggling all the way.

Oh, she will most definitely be seeing them in the morning. A lie in? Oh, it’d be nice. But it wouldn’t be as nice as sneaking to Lester’s room first thing to get a snapshot of the two sprawled out in Lester’s bed together. Karla would have blackmail material to last her a lifetime.


End file.
